I cannot find my penis.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
