New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We had sex on a dog bed..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
