I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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