i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
