You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
