if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ugly people sure do ruin things
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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