he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
