you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
