ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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