Non-Jews are for practice
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
