my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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