I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
