I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
