My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
