seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
