My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
