i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
