We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
