Tell her she can't have a vagina
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
