I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I came so hard my ears popped.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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