she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
