There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
