The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
