I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
