Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
