I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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