We're facebook friends in real life
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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