Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
