He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
