It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
