Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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