Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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