At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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