are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The best revenge is premature balding
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
