people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize