remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
