somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
