Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My breasts were aching with rage.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
