dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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