im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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