Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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