tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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