At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
