On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
