My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
