I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
