He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
