girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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