The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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