It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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