life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
