I can tuck mytits in my pants
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
