Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize