I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
