I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
