Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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