grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
