College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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