My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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