i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
