I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
