he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
