Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Two words: nipple clamps
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