hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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