My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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