My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
