hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
