how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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