oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Let's paint friendship bongs
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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