It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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