saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
