Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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