Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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