I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
