Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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