Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
