I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
