i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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