Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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